More than one year has gone by since I moved here to NJ/NY…
And looking back, I can easily say that I am blessed.
The people God has put in my life have all been amazing. The jobs I’ve worked in have taught me so much. I’ve grown physically stronger and healthier. Mentally, I have learned more than most people my age get to learn in ten years. Spiritually, I am more consistently stable and on fire than I’ve ever been.
But emotionally, I am completely drained.
From what I’ve seen in the past, this feeling signifies that it’s probably time for me to move on in some way…and one year from now, this may mean a literal move.
My current job and boss are both great, my current church is the closest thing to a home I’ve had since moving away from Maryland, I have made friends that have nonjudgmentally challenged me to be myself (and have loved me for it), and nothing has happened here that has caused me to want to leave…
…but nothing and no one here has really given me a reason to stay, either.
In my mind, when I first moved here, I had hoped that I would be able to work my way to an ideal job at an architecture firm, meet someone that I can have a relationship with, and spend a few years honing my skills as an architect and ultimately get my license.
Looking around now, even after an entire year, none of these things has happened…and in my heart, I feel that a change is needed.
And change is incredibly scary. It would be really easy to stay where I am now and just be. I am making enough to stay in a nice comfortable apartment with a car, but…I know that it would be foolish to live my life this way.
God has given me passion to do amazing things for those who are in need, so while I am young and able, I will make sure that I am as well-equipped as I can possibly be. And I don’t believe that He intended for me to be alone for so long, either. It’s getting so hard to come home every day to an empty apartment, with no one to talk to or be with…
I will be applying to 4 graduate schools this winter, and each school is in a different state.
I honestly have no idea where this decision will lead me, but I trust that God, as He always has, will open a door and tell me where to go…
…or whether I am to stay (there is a 25% chance, after all, that I will stay in NY).
I believe I was brought here to NJ/NY for a reason, and though I may not see it 100% clearly now, I know that when I look back, maybe years and years from now, maybe I’ll be able to see the real reason why.
By early 2011, I will know for sure where He will be taking me next. And despite this initial little bit of fear, I am excited. Who knows who I will meet, where I will work, who I’ll fall in love with, and who I will be able to help.